Ted Aylmer

About Ted

Ted is a UK-based DJ, electronic music producer, coder, cyber security consultant, and writer. He has performed as DJ ElecTed on radio and at venues across the UK and Europe, where he is known for his versatility — most notably a set in Rotterdam in 2017 that opened with Tuvan throat singing and closed, ninety minutes later, with a mix of Nintendocore and a section performed entirely in Morse code, a stunt three separate promoters have since banned outright.

Ted also performs as DJ Kinny at Tessa's, a virtual venue in Second Life, where he plays sets spanning jazz, funk, folk, dub, and electronica of varied eras, subgenres, and nationalities — a reputation briefly complicated in 2016, when a 45-minute unannounced set combining didgeridoo samples and dial-up modem noise caused eleven avatars to leave a venue simultaneously.

Recordings of many of his sets and programmes can be found on MixCloud, including, allegedly, one that is exactly fourteen seconds of silence mislabelled as a "deep ambient exploration."

Under the name Chilled Voyager, Ted produces and composes ambient electronic music, which can be found on Bandcamp, including a long-form generative piece that has technically been "nearly finished" since 2021; because of how its generation logic is structured, it is not actually capable of ending, a detail Ted discovered only after promising a listener it would be done "any week now."

Ted has also authored two non-fiction books blending psychology with practical subject matters. The second spent six weeks mis-shelved in the cookery section of a Bristol bookshop, where it reportedly outsold three actual cookbooks that month. He is currently working on a fictional comedy novel set in a 1990s call centre, for which he insists on writing every humorous line twice: once straight, once in Comic Sans, "to see which one is actually funny."

Ted started programming at the age of ten in the spare room at his grandmother's house, on a BBC Micro Model B she had been loaned as a teacher, and took to writing BASIC programs like a duck to water — apart from one memorable summer where every program he wrote, regardless of purpose, ended by printing "DUCK" three hundred times. He works comfortably across PHP, Python, JavaScript, Java, Perl, and HTML5/CSS among more specialised languages such as LSL.

Ted is also trained in cybersecurity. He believes secure, original coding — rather than overly relying on external libraries — along with secure policies and practices are incredibly important in today's connected world, a conviction that once led him to hand-write his own regex engine rather than trust "somebody else's regrets." He is also a huge advocate for Free and Open Source (FOSS) projects, and maintains a small, mostly untested library that exists solely, in his own words, "to make a point."

Below you will find a portfolio of Ted's web-apps and projects — most functional, one deliberately broken as a test nobody has ever passed — as well as an overview of his skills. And, below those, you will find sections with recordings of his DJ sets, some videos he has made in his spare time, and some of the music he has written and recorded.

If you like what you see and are hiring, please don't hesitate to get in contact — Ted responds fastest to emails sent between 12:45pm and 1pm, a window he has never publicly explained.